So the summer has whizzed by (so quickly I missed it), Halloween saw me dressed as a red devil and being interviewed (drunk) for a YouTube channel and Bonfire night I spent tucked up at home in the warm watching other people’s displays (the joys of living on a hill with nothing blocking the view). So now begins the countdown to Christmas. The supermarkets have been doing it since September but I prefer to wait until Bonfire Night is over. You can have too much of a good thing, and starting too early does make you a little sick! (the same can be said about wine).
So it’s time to celebrate another Christmas as a single girlie. Or time to stock up on Port as inevitably I will be found crying in to it by 22nd December at the thought of waking up alone in the parental home and then spending the day eating enough to balloon up and ensure no man looks twice at me until February. And this year girls, we have the John Lewis advert to REALLY make us want to hang ourselves with the mistletoe. Even the snowmen are getting more action.
So will I be trawling the Christmas parties looking for a 6-foot something, broad-shouldered hunk to stick a bow on and unwrap over and over again until twelfth night? Will I sit in hope that Santa will see fit to send something down my chimney that will really clear the cobwebs out?
You see, more than any other time of the year if you meet a guy on the run up to Christmas you get your hopes up. The ‘magic’ of Christmas will wash over you and you’ll spend days missing him, re-reading the sweet texts he sends on Christmas morning saying he wishes he’d woken up with you and hopes that Santa brought you all you’d hoped for and counting down the minutes until your family duties are done and you can hop on the motorway back to him, playing Mariah Carey on loop. You’ll wait with bated breath every time he mentions New Year’s Eve in the hope he’s about to invite you along and you’ll drive your friends mad by not committing to any of the invites that they extend to you.
You won’t spend new year with him. You won’t even get a text at midnight. In fact, he won’t text you for weeks afterwards and you’ll have absolutely no idea what happened. And even then when he texts it’s because he wants a photo of your boobs, and not to ask how you are.
So this year I am taking a dating sabbatical. I am taking myself off the dating scene until 2013. This way I can avoid the “should I buy him a present?” debate if I meet him before December and I can wave the mistletoe around freely without having to wonder whether he’ll call the next day.
So this year Mariah, you can stick it. All I want for Christmas is me.