So things have been a little quiet on the blog front, and for that I apologise. It’s not that I had nothing to say – I was just in hiding. You see, the wonderful Mark at http://www.248am.com asked me to guest post. I did, and he then drove 10 times more traffic than my lowly little blog usually gets in this region. Which caused me to panic, throw a blanket over my head and pretend no one in Kuwait was sat laughing at my tedious love life. Plus there was the risk of being ‘found out’ How could I turn up to work and face a room full of innocent young minds if there is gossip going around about what Miss Sis got up to on her holiday to Dubai? (This is also why I’ve locked Twitter down – I’m not being rude but I can’t risk people telling tales!)
But then when the feedback wasn’t negative, and no one text to say ‘I know it’s you’, I figured I was safe for a bit longer. It helps that I don’t socialize with people from work and I certainly don’t date there (believe me, you wouldn’t). I’ve fancied the same colleague for 12 months but am never going there. He knows too many people I know (doesn’t mean I don’t stare at his bum when I see him on the stairs though).
But, the dating desert is bound to get a little dryer now it’s back to the day job – if dryer is possible. So to fill my depressingly vacant weekends I called in the troops. Two British friends came to stay: one a confirmed bachelor (he thinks this makes him sound like Clooney) and the other a former single-girl-blogger like me that went and fell in love and got all happy. Of course, over most dinners the topic of conversation would turn to men, women, relationships, sex (or my lack of it) and ‘how to play the game like a pro’. As some of it was quite enlightening I felt I should share some of the life ‘tips’ that came out of it.
All girls are bat-shit crazy: Fact.
Yes, this is true. We wouldn’t be so crazy if men weren’t so stupid. If you like a girl, ask her out. If you don’t like a girl then stop contacting her. We get crazy when we can’t predict your next move and you’re being stupid. So stop it.
I love this idea. This idea would suit me down to the ground except there is one major drawback. I can’t find one man to date, let alone four.
The concept of hob dating is simple. You treat your dating arrangements like a cooker hob. You have the little burner, two medium burners and one big fiery one right? So you have four men on the go at one time… however…
The little one is early days, is casual and simmers lightly. This is likely to be coffee dates or that crush you flirt with at work. Nothing’s really cooking but it is warm.
The medium ones burn pretty much the same. They’re hotter and cooking better than the little one. They are dinner dates and cinema dates and you just can’t decide if they’re worth keeping on.
And then there’s the big one. The big one is the only one you get intimate with. This burns big. It’s hot, it’s heavy and it takes up a lot of gas. If the big one stays alight then you can turn off the other three. If the big flame goes out, you can juggle the pans and find a new little one.
Now if I was back in London I would be following this advice – and maybe having the power in this way would mean being a little less bat-shit? So who gave us this piece of wisdom? The Batchelor. But not because he has done it himself. He’s been the little pan that quickly got moved up to big pan status before a powercut. The girl was honest about it from day one, and if he’s honest the whole game was a bit of a turn on.
Once a cheater, always a cheater
This to me depends on age. When I was in my late teens I would snog other guys at parties whilst my boyfriend was at home and quite often overlapped one relationship with another. I was 16 and a serial cheat. Nowadays I have a different view. If I like someone enough to sleep with them behind a boyfriend’s back then I can’t like the boyfriend all that much (look at me using the B-word when I haven’t had one in years). I had the opportunity to cheat on The Ex with a crush I’d been flirting with for years but I never, ever acted on it. However one month after The Ex moved out…
You see, once a guy has got away with cheating, and does it more than once, he loses all feelings of guilt. And once the guilt has gone he no longer sees a problem in his actions and to him it’s not ‘cheating’, it’s ‘extra-curricular activities’. If he does get caught then he’ll go one of two ways. Remorse and promises to never ever do it again; or, he’ll learn from his mistakes and make sure he never ever gets caught again. Personally I would then be driven crazy trying to work out which one he was, so would have to walk away for my own sanity. You see, girls are crazy when men are stupid.
So what a cynical, unemotional bunch we must have been to listen to? Girls are crazy, men are stupid, seeing four people at one time is acceptable unless it’s a man cheating and then it’s the biggest sin of all.
But you don’t read this blog for logic do you?!